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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Teaser Tuesday: Damaged

This is from Damaged, and probably the most disturbing scene I've ever written. Feedback is much appreciated, and will be returned.

*snip*

13 comments:

theunperson said...

Honestly, I think it should feel more cathartic than euphoric. Oo I'm not sure, though. Love the descriptions.

-HJ/Jaece

choco (In Which a Girl Reads) said...

Wow, I remember this from FNW! Again, love the <3 the raspberry kisses. And sentence fragments FTW! :D

Caitlin R. O'Connell said...

I love this scene. It is definitely freaky, but it makes so much sense in a twisted kind of way. Great job! :)

bethanygriffin said...

Very very intense

M.J. Horton said...

Very eerie. It's just so dark and twisted. You write this incredibly well where flows like poetry almost.

Bee said...

I like your writing, though it made me wince. I want to know more about Damaged

XD

Anonymous said...

I read this yesterday but the net was acting up. *sighs*

But on the bright side, I got to read this again.

It's extremely eerie and twisted and you can tell loads from the state of mind of the character just then. I just wonder what happened before this scene.

Love the descriptions; especially this one:
Pomegranate floods. Residue of raspberry kisses stain my arms. Mob them.

I think that's the best description I've read in a long time.


Lyn:: Lynkay @AW

Amy Saia said...

Very intense with vivid word choices. It makes you feel so sad for the person, and also you feel angry because you don't want them to hurt themselves like that.

Karla Nellenbach said...

you describe everything so well...love the use of fragments. it really shows the emotion well. great snip!

Glen Akin said...

So intense. So vivid. So engaging. So ... frightening.

Becca Cooper said...

I remember this! And it's just as creepy the second time as it was the first. *shivers* Great snip! :)

Mikey said...

Oh dear, that IS vivid. It creates such an image, it kind of made me wince.

Which is good... I think. No, definitely, haha. I don't wince often.

Karla Calalang said...

Great scene! I can really feel for her. Awesome teaser!

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